Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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