when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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