I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize