i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
