Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize