no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Come see our sink grown plant.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
