I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
People in love make me want to vomit
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
