Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
