i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
