During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
