you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
