Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
