You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
