Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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