The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
