fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
