hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Randomize
