Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
