i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
