my soul wont recognize me after tonight
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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