You can't special order awesome
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
