My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Randomize
