dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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