ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
