i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
