I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm passing your future prison.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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