Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
