normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
