Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
