Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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