HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
