Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
