I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
