Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
