trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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