A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
