Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
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