I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
