what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Randomize
