I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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