In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
