His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize