so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
