I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
