You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
