I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
