i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Two words: nipple clamps
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