is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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