let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I supernannyed him into submission
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
