He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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