Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
the night ended with taco bell and tears
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
