did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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