Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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