It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
