hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
