do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
We got so high we made milksteak
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize