I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
