i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Randomize
