you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
