fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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