Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Randomize
