Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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