Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
