it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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