yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
