I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
