So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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