im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
