You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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