She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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