he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
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