Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
