Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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