Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
