I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
