I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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