Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
