I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
