sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
