I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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