Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
