Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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