Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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