Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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