I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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