Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
