she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
